out of my mind
by Sick Embrace
Summary: pony has kinda lost it after the death of johnny and dally ... not very angst...i think, tell me what you think... flames and reviews please! ppl,i no u hate the 1st chap...just read the 2nd, i swear its betta than the first
1. movie house drama

Disclaimer: I don't own people

ATTENTION MELANIE

Mel my friend… (If you are not the same Melanie, sorry, this is directed only to one Melanie in this world…feel special Mel! As I was saying…if you aren't the same one, you are wasting your time…go cry now, then read the story…I'm a mean bastard, aren't I?)

I have finally made a story… yes this is my first fanfic, aren't you proud of me? PRAISE ME! Such lovely laughter…

GIR: but I neeeeeed tacos, I need them or I will explode! That happens to me sometimes..

IMPORTANT STORY THINGY

Half a year after the book, pony's hair has grown back and is NOT BLONDE! I have a thing about fake blondes…

On with the story!

Chapter 1- Movie House Drama

Ponyboy's POV

The girls are dancing in bikinis and singing a song, he loves her and she loves him, we get it, they are in love, why can't they get over it and get on with the story? That is if there is a story (apart from their love life) to be told. What a pathetic movie.

I'm alone again, and normally I would have enjoyed watching a movie all on my lonesome, but ever since Johnny and Dallas died, it feels different, I'm not only physically alone, Johnny and Dally took something in me with them.

I guess I'll never be able to draw Dallas when he's in his dangerous mood again. I'll never have a friend like Johnny ever again! I had something great and I stuffed it up!

Tears are welling in my eyes, thank god its dark. I think I need to go to the toilet, oh well;

I won't be missing anything… why did I kill part of our gang? And my only friend?

What did I do? I am soo sorry! I'm soo sorry! I hate myself. Why couldn't I turn out normal? God, why did you make me a murderer! Shoot, I'm soo stuffed up…oh! Toilet. Almost forgot…

As I get up I hear "is this seat empty?"

I turn to face a girl. She's a greasey girl with fake blonde hair and lots of make up, her eye shadow is basically blinding me.

"Yeah" _please, please! Go away! I'm really not in the mood for this…_

"Thanks" she says huskily, what a disgusting tone of voice…why do they think people actually like it?

I start to head to the toilet, I'm stopped be her catching onto my jeans…_how DARE she! Does this look like public property? Did I give her permission to touch me!_ I'm silently screaming at myself inside my head.

"Don't go, come on, am I that ugly?" she jokes.

To me it's a statement.

"Sorry I really need to go"

She's still clutching onto my jeans! _Get off get off get off! Please! Don't contaminate _

_Me! _

"It can't be that important! Sit down"

She pulls me down and I'm forced to watch the movie. My hands are gripping the arms of my seat.

"You're really cute you know" she says.

She's expecting me to say something back. I hate her. I stay silent and pretend to be fascinated by the movie.

"What's your name?"

She doesn't deserve to know my name. My lips are still sealed.

"You shy? There's no need to be scared of me"

_She's treating me like I'm a sort of animal! Here doggy doggy doggy doggy…come on, I wont hurt you … She's the animal! People like her should be kept in cages!_

"Come on, it's alright cutey"

She leaning on me and running her fingers through my hair.

_Shit! Get her off me! Get her off me! Why me? Get her off me! WHY?_

I feel so helpless I want to cry! I grip the arms of my seat tighter; I can tell my knuckles have gone white.

_I want to die! Right here! right now! What is she doing to me! Hey! What if she contaminates my hair and it becomes blonde! Don't, please don't turn blonde! I'm begging you! Its taken soo long to grow back! Don t, don't, don't, don't …_

"Don't" (authors note: he ­is talking to his hair) I let that slip didn't I?

"Make me" she replies playfully and leans in for a kiss.

_Great! Now look what I've done! I should have just left! Why don't I use my head!_

She pouts her lips which are covered in cheap red lipstick and leans in closer, and closer…_What the hell! Doesn't she have a heart? She's invading me and, oh god! Her _

_dirty lips are going to touch me! It can't! It just can't! What do I do! What do I do!_

Her lips are about to touch mine.

"Oh, SHOOT!" I yell panicking.

I grab her by her by her peroxide blonde hair, yank her head back and smash it down onto the seat in front of her. The blood from her face would definitely cover up that disgusting make up, but how would I know? I had already bolted out of the movie house.

How was it? It was crap rite? Reviews and flames PLEASE!

Happy noodle boy – "under such extreme heat, wear and degradation is inevitable! Parts break off after overuse! And **that **is why toaster pastries will burst into flames if you don't keep an eye on them…"

And so on so forth…if this has NOT made your day, go shoot a capsicum, come on, you know you want to, the potato calls you.


	2. not gold

Chapter 2 – Not gold

Ponyboy's POV

I didn't stop running until I got home. I open the door and walk in casually.

"Hey Pony! How was the movie?" Soda asks as soon as I walk in.

I shrug and say "I'm just gonna have a shower now okay?"

"Mhhhmmm..."He replies, he's watching Mickey Mouse with Two bit, who is really enjoying it, his mouth is opening and closing no words seem to want to come out. He finally says something.

"Oh! Hey Pony, didn't hear ya come in" Two bit says turning around slowly, trying not to miss out on any Mickey Mouse.

"Gosh pony, you look tense" he says as he sees me.

He quickly turns back to the TV.

Soda turns around to get a proper look at me.

"Yeah, you're looking a bit sick too Pon, you wanna get a drink and some aspirins maybe?"

Soda offered.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll be fine, I just need to have a shower"

"Ponyboy, don't be long 'cause I need to use the shower soon" Darry calls from the kitchen.

**_I hate you Darry! I hate you! What is your problem? Oh, I know the answer…its Pony!_**

_-Whoa, calm down Mr. Platypus, he just said don't be too long don't have a hissy fit! -_

**_I'm going crazy. Pony's going crazy! We're all going crazy, Ponyboy is a murderer and…this is ALL YOUR FAULT DARRY! YOU made him this way, YOU killed mom and dad, and YOU made him kill Dally and Johnny!_**

_-STOP IT! What the hell has gotten into you? Huh? And besides, PONYBOY KILLED THEM ALL! DON'T go blaming others. Kill yourself Pony and end this madness!-_

I'm soo confused where's Jason? (Authors note: don't you just LOVE names that begin with J? go Johnny!)

I walk into the bathroom, close and lock the door, then starttoundress (D-mystery says: He isn't gonna perform a strip show for you; people, please remove your head from your pants! This is meant to be emotional).

I turn on the water and wait for it to become hot.

Jason is sitting on the sink, watching me.

Everyone thinks he's just a comb, but he seems to be my only friend, though he's not a very good one.

"Why are you looking at me you pervert?"

"I'm not, stop being soo paranoid"

"You're STARING at me! Stop!" I grab a towel and wrap it around my waste.

"Ponyboy, calm down… you've been listening to Mr. platypus haven't you? He isn't going to help you!"

**_Lies, Pony, Jason lies and you know it!_**

"Shut up Jason! Just shut up and leave me alone!"

With that I pick him up and throw him in the drawer.

_Shoot, I feel soo depressed I think I'm gonna kill myself. Look how stuffed up I am…_

_-I know, you really should, you white piece of trash-_

_Shut up black bunny, why do you want me to die so badly! Shoot, I wish I had a friend… _

_-I take that back, take back everything I said, I'm you're friend. I'm sorry; I just wish I could be someone important. I just want to be your friend. I'll be a really good friend too! Just like Johnny was… -_

_Uh…alright…_no one has ever offered friendship to me like that…

_- Now kill yourself, come on, do it for your friend-_

"STOP IT!" I scream.

"None of them actually want to help you, Ponyboy; you got to listen to me!"

"Shut - up – Jason" (he's saying it s-l-o-w-l-y)

Jason was back in the shape of a shampoo bottle and was rolling towards me.

"Don't listen to them; they only know the bad side of life! They cant comprehend what its like to sit with the gang joke… all they see is friendless, loveless life you hav.."

"What is your problem! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

"SEE THE GOOD PONY, SEE THE GOLD! You're gold Ponyboy, let it shine through! Show everyone how much you can shine!"

I stood there and thought about it, what if Jason was right?

I swayed a bit for a moment before I turned to him and said.

"You're wrong Jason, you're wrong Johnny. I'm not gold" with that, I threw him out of the window.


	3. we are equal

Thank you to the following people:

thank you elysia, for making me read harry potter!(which i didnt)

thank you nicola for making mi continue...(i have otherthings to say but i dont wanna spoil it 4 u)

queen of whatever - i know where you live!

Dramaticangel - i was actually wondering wot it should have put it under...but angst and comedy just seemed so wierd and impossible..it just depends on how you look at it

lady rose 05 - thank you! you are soo nice! truth is i was expecting alot of flames...i rote the second chapter coz i didnt wanna completly dissapoint you...

hahukum konn - you did **2** reviews! thank you ! glad you liked it...i hate jason by the way...he goes to our school. never been friends and never will be...let the pain begin!

d mystery - i HATE your guts! what the fuck is your problem man? god dude, get a grip...and no, i wont be your friend!

may i ask...are there any other guys on this site?

okay here we go again!

Chapter 3 – we are equal

Ponyboy's POV

I started washing myself, it burns its soo hot but I need it too. She got me dirty, I can't be dirty! I'm going all red! I HATE to do this but I have to…

_**This is Soda's fault Pony, you know that. HE said you should go to the movies…**_

_No its not! He just suggested it! Besides, I went alo-_

_**Then it's Darry's fault! He basically shooed you out and didn't give you anytime to even ask for anyone to come!**_

_He was angry!_

_**He's ALWAYS angry at you! Think about it Pony! HE HATES YOU! He PUNISHES you because HE'S sad! Well Stuff him! Make Him pay Pony, make him PAY! Kill him! He doesn't deserve to live!**_

I'm looking at the blade on the sink…if only Mr. Platypus would shut up…

I've heard of cutting from school, they say you don't feel anything cause you're soo numb and filled with emotion, it helps bring you back to the world.

I'm in the world now, and when it rips your skin, it HURTS!

Why wont Mr. Platypus just shut up? If he doesn't stop I'm gonna have to hurt him

_I guess you're right, god I hate Darry!_

_**Now you're getting it! You can't forgive him...**_

Wait, what about black bunny? He hasn't done anything; it wouldn't be fair to hurt him too…

…_**Kill him, kill him Pony!** _

_Well maybe.._

_- Don't pony! You know it's you that deserves to die!-_

I've had enough

I bang my head against the wall, and hard.

I repeat it again and again, I can hear them screaming, it hurts my head to hear them scream.

I don't stop until I hear a meow.

I slowly lift the curtain on the window and look out, there's a multicolored cat (D-mystery says: stoopid people, it is not purple, it is black brown and white)

" I-I, wasn't h-hurting anyone.." I said to her.

She stares back, a hard look on her face.

"It was me, I was hurting me…"

She doesn't believe me… I knew this would happen... but it's true! I did hurt myself!

I have proof!

"No, please! I swear! Don't hate me! Everyone hates me! Even I hate me!"

_- That's right pony, everybody HATES you -_

I'm at the brink of tears, but I won't cry. Not in front of eve. I want her friendship, she is the closest thing to a friend I have, but I'm losing her.

"Look! Wait, look! I have proof!"

I stick my head out of the window, rub my hand softly over the part I had been hitting and show her the blood. It stings.

"see, I didn't lie, I didn't!"

But when I look out she is long gone.

_I just want to cry! I just want to…_

_**Kill somebody**_

_No, I don't intend on killing ANYONE_

I'm going mad, I need to calm down, I really need someone to talk to, anyone who will listen, but I know I cant tell anyone what I've done, what I've become. For once, Soda will not understand.

I take the blade Soda uses for shaving from the drawer and go the bath.

I hold my arm out and run the blade up and down, not even scratching it.

I bring it up to my wrist and pause; it's strange how people can be scared of other people. After all, we are only made of fluids, muscle; bone… all material, nothing scary about that. So what is scary about the socs? How do materials have such power over us? Why can we all be intimidated by such a waste of material? Like us… we are all equal combinations…

"Pony! Get out! You're taking too long! You're not the only one in this house!"

I'm not intimidated by Darry he's just a bunch of blood bone and muscle as am I. We ARE equal, what I can do to me, I can do to him.

I drag the knife down and rip my skin. It hurts like hell.

_What I can do to me, I can do to him._


	4. They

Chapter 4 – they

Ponyboy's POV

I get out of the bath and carefully wash the cut.

"PONY! GET OUT OF THERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?"

If he only knew…

I wash away the blood from the wall and then from my hair. There isn't much but it sure hurts to look at it.

I get out with a towel around my waste, as I open the door I can see Darry there. He isn't mad, I think.

_Either that or he's a real good actor._

_**He is, everyone thinks that there's nothing wrong between you and him.**_

I've got to get out of this house; Mr. Platypus and black bunny are killing me! Why won't they leave me alone?

Is because of them that any place but home is safe.

"Hey, where you going pony?" soda asks

"Just out"

"Why?" he asks looking at me funny.

"Because I want to?"

"In just a towel?" he's grinning at me now.

I had completely forgotten that I was only wearing a towel. I couldn't help but grin back.

I turn and go back to our room to change.

After I've changed I go outside.

"be back by 10 okay? Or darry'll skin ya, you hear me?" soda calls from inside.

I lean back through the door

"10?"

"Its Monday tomorrow remember?"

"Yeah…" I say slowly as I leave.

Its 5 pm, I think ill have enough time.

I walk down the road searching. Searching for them, they're waiting for me.

I don't know where they are, they said that I would find them or they would find. I go out almost every night looking them.

This time they are waiting for me though, and they don't want me to be late.

I walk down the road, this time I will find them, I know I will, I have to.

They will be my friends and all this will stop. Gosh I'm soo alone. Its 6 pm already.

There's going to be a party for me when I get there as long as I'm not late. They want to hold a party for me, because I'm going to start new.

I've walked for like 2 kilometers now but it don't bug me none, after all I'm on track.

I'm meant to be there by 8 pm, but I don't even know where **it **is, but I know I will find **it. **

Everyone else will think I'm crazy but they're wrong, they aren't my friends, they aren't holding parties for me like **they **are, they don't want me to be happy and start anew.

_Wait, they don't know that I'm unhappy_

Oh yeah, but they don't know much about me at all. They think they know me and its enough for them. I wish they would ask me something, include me in anything, but they aren't my friends.

_No ones my friend_

But soon I'll have some.

_Hey, what time is it?_

I look at my watch, its 7:52. Man, what am I going to do? They said if I don't get there on time ill be taken back.,

_I don't want to go back! I don't want to! I don't want to! I want to start new! I NEED to start new!_

Oh no, I hear someone behind me. Oh my god, they've come to take me back.

I walk faster I don't turn around. I wish someone was here to turn for me, tell me what is behind me.

I've become soo helpless… I can't even turn around without being petrified.

They **are **following me I know it.

I walk even faster then I run for it. Its past 8 a clock, I know that sure.

I run and run till I have to stop, and it take a lot to make me stop.

"Hey pony!" I hear someone yell.

Its them! They've come for me! Finally, I can start new!

_No, it's past eight! It can't be them…I'm going back; they are going to take me back!_

Oh no…shoot, what the hell am I going to do?

I'm frozen and a light approaches me. Its soo bright. They're going to take me back!

"PONY! Hey! Ponyboy?"

It's getting closer and closer, I try to scream but nothing is coming out. I try to move but I'm soo tired that me feet can't move. I try against my physical will, and the ground and I meet very suddenly.

I hear a slam and footsteps, but I can hardly move.

A foot nudges me in the back.

"What the hell kid?"

I'm dragged by the arm and put in a car. I can see two bit looking at me funny but holding back a laugh.

"Man pony, at first you were just walking around the round about for like half and hour and then you were bolting like mad. I was watching you from my car laughing my head off. Then you just stopped an……"

Two bit is talking between laughs but I just can't listen.

**They** never came for me. And I could never find them. I was soo sure tonight.

_They never came for me. They never came for me. They never came for me._

That's all I can think of as Two bit drives me home. Taking me back home.

Back **home, **where they are all waiting for me. My punishment.** Home**, where Mr. Platypus and back bunny will hurt me, and nobody can stop them or help me.

_They never came for me._


	5. You

Hey ppl, I honesty cannot b bothered to finish this so I tell ya wot I was supposed to do,

Ok, firstly, I was gonna write this but couldn't b bothered until person reviewed telling me, yes there IS another person who reads Johnny the homicidal maniac.

I was gonna finish another chapter but I don't wanna, however, you can read the betta beginning and end if you go out and buy a comic book called "Johnny the homicidal maniac"

This is like a mix of it, a very bad one, and well mine is boring. Reason I didn't write dis down first in da summarie was I didn't think tha ppl wood read it and I wanted to have fame of coming up wit dis for a while lol.

If you liked dis story you will LOVE JTHM (Johnny the Homicidal maniac) if you didn't, you will love it anyway. This is basically same story diff characters, interesting, no?

Well anyway, I would send u da comics but I wrked out if people buy more, he'll (Jhonen) get rich and make more stuff!

subliminal messeage you love JTHM, you will BUY JTHM subliminal message end

Mind you though, this has gotten alot of mi friends to become Johnny and invader zim fans. This is something you should know if u intend on getting the comic:

Characters :

Ponyboy Curtis Johnny C

Black bunny Psycho doughboy

Mr platypus Mr fuck/Mr eff

Jason (comb) Nailbunny

THEY the thing behind the wall

I might be writing a fanfic bout JTHM, but I doubt it.

Actually I think I'm writing another outsiders fic, probably about drama or sumtin, I don't know….


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